Issue No. 27, September 1999
| News for
the OBSSEsed - continued
Issue No. 27, September 1999 |
| A
New and Improved
Entrance Exam in the Hall of Admittance With a little help from our sisters and brothers in St. Scully, and in keeping with our current Abbey makeover, we're updating the rigorous standards by which we admit new members to our pseudo-religious-fictional- television-character-worshipping Order. (We also strongly suspect that some of the answers were passed around at <ahem> communion recently, thereby dulling the competitive edge of our previous quiz.) Therefore, we're asking members to contribute their own original admittance question, such as the following sample: You're about to go on your most dangerous case yet and your intuition tells you there could be unexpected unpleasantness. Do you: A) Take a clue from Mulder and strap on
an ankle holster
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pick up the keyboard and make it happen! |
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Editor's Note: In what
can only be called a minor miracle, we managed to get Drs. K and S to focus
on the actual people over there instead of their own ongoing desk drama
long enough to examine the poll answers from the July edition. Of
course they also tried to double charge the Abbey since they thought about
answering last month. If you recall, we asked Order members as a personality
assessment to chose which of nine images appealed to them most. Naturally
they all had a hidden meaning, as evidenced by the photographs they actually
represented. Some of you that wrote in may wish the Doctors were still
absorbed with themselves...
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| Personality Type:
1
Dr
K:
Dr.
S:
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| Personality Type:
2
Name:
Sister Aerin writes:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
Brother
Sean writes:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
Sister
Gwen writes:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
Name:
Sister Makaway
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
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| Personality Type:
3
sis
xmoshgrrl writes:
Dr.
K:
Sister
Beer writes:
Dr.
K:
Sister
Kay writes:
Dr.
K:
Sister
Vivien writes:
Dr.
K:
Dr.
S:
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| Personality Type:
4
Sister
Katherine writes:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
Ron
St. Amant writes:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
Sister
Tracey writes:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
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| Personality Type:
5
Charissa
writes:
Sister
Cal writes:
Sister
Phledge writes:
Dr.
K:
Dr.
S:
Tina
writes:
Dr.
K:
Dr
S:
<Dr.
K waves her Armani clad arm with a dismissive gesture>
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| Personality Type:
6
Amanda
(aka Sister Walrus15) writes:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
Sister
Jeanne of the Polar Bears writes:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
Carly
writes:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
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| Personality Type:
7
Dr.
K:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
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| Personality Type:
8
Roger
Ramjet writes:
Dr.
S:
<Dr. K reaches over and turns on her desk fan> Cheryl
NBL writes:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
Sunseeker
writes:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
SisCelynn
writes:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
Jenny
writes:
Dr.
S:
Dr.
K:
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| Personality Type:
9
Dr.
K:
Dr
S:
SpicedRum
writes:
Dr.
K:
Dr
S:
Ann
Kuykendall writes:
Dr.
K:
Dr
S:
Sis
"10 Seconds" Tammy Perpetua writes:
Dr.
K:
Dr
S:
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"I prance, therefore I am" |
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Well. This is the spot in the newsletter where my fanfic recommendations would go. If I'd had any time to read fanfic this month that is. I'm afraid all the Abbey renovations have kept me too busy this month, but until I get back on track next month you can find some great stuff at those sites listed on the right. See you in October! |
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| The
New OBSSE Webring
By Sister Sonya (Editor's Note - One of the many changes made around the Order this month is a new webring. We'd like to take this opportunity to thank Sister Stacey for administrating the old one and Sister Sonya for volunteering to take over the duties.) We're looking for a few good nuns / brothers - with a few good web sites. Do you think you have what it takes to be a member of the OBSSE Webring? The OBSSE Webring is the official webring of the Order and contains all the important Abbey related web sites. The criteria for joining are simple. 1. You must be a
member of the order.
If you think you
make the cut, then point your browser to
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| Summer
of Scullynemia
by Jennifer-Oksana, Beadslut The summer of 1999. It was hot, humid, and horrific. The Gap and Old Navy continued their reign of terror in commercials meant to numb the mind and chill the blood. The real "Phantom Menace" was Jar-Jar "Insert Your Own Joke Here" Binks. Tony Gwynn made his 3,000th hit in front of a crowd about the size of an average showing of The Blair Witch Project. But for Scullyists, the summer didn't belong to cheap mockumentaries about scary bundles of sticks, or CGI-don'ts. The summer belonged to Scullynemia, that dread disease of diseases. To watch your friends succumb until there was nothing left to do except hook up a lard Thorazine drip and leave "Bad Blood" and "Memento Mori" running continuously and know you could be next-- that was even scarier than all that whispering in The Sixth Sense. The slowly maddening Scullyists wondered-- is there hope? With two months left before the premiere, can we survive? Of course, grasshopper. All it takes is a little ingenuity. Here at the OBSSE Abbey, we're doing our best to keep our people from turning vegetable-esque and muttering, stunned, "Fowley-- bra-- Fowley-- bra--" and so here to ease your soul, Scullynemia survival methods. Jennifer-Oksana's
Top Five Survival Techniques
1. Have
a party, or as we call it in the OBSSE, a "gathering" or "fest."
Said party must include many sacred (or not-so-sacred) libations, your
favorite Scully-eps, perhaps bloopers or whatever you may or may NOT
  
or collage devoted to our favorite Saint, diverting your attention
from the fact Chris Carter and his wretched flunkies are working on the
show RIGHT NOW, but when do YOU get to see it? That's right. November.
(See? It's getting to everyone!)
4. Get a life-- at least temporarily. Yes, it's genuinely bogus that the X-Files hiatus is long enough for viewers to conceive and bear a child in. But facts remain facts, and November 7th is still two months away. So why not settle for a life in the interim? What new theory can you come up with in the "Never Again" debate, except for possibly the "crotchless nylons" theory?  5.In case none of the above work for you, or if you hit mid-October and your brain goes tilt, might I suggest the 72-hour Scullynemia kit? After all, if we need them for hurricanes and earthquakes, we need them for Scullynemia, dammit! Kit Includes:
By using the above-mentioned
methods, you should be able to lessen your Scullynemia and Scullynemic
tendencies, thus combating this most dread
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Thanks
to the Jar-Jargonizer,
we know how Biogenesis would sound if Jar-Jar had played Scully :
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The Emmy Awards air Sunday, September 12th on the FOX network In September of 1997, a small group of faithful followers of Her Blessed Pantsuitedness gathered in front of the television on Emmy night in the Holy City of Vancouver (see Oct. '97 newsletter). On that night, while they were noshing spaghetti with meatballs and tipping 'ritas, Gillian Anderson won the Emmy for best actress in a drama series. And so a tradition was born. After all, it worked once and that's all
it takes for us to become cult-like
Thanks to Sister Kristin, who test drove
the following recipe a few weeks
Sister Kristin's Blessed Award-Invoking Meatballs 2 pounds ground beef
Mix and form into balls. They can
be cooked in a sauce (should be in
Holmes FF's Sacramental Sauce of All the Prizes 2 tablespoons olive oil
Heat oil in heavy-bottomed saucepan. Stir in tomato paste, tomatoes, carrot, pepper, basil and oregano. Simmer 30 minutes. If sauce becomes too thick, add a little water. Cook 15 minutes more, then stir in the butter and salt, and serve with hot cooked pasta. Makes four cups. |
DAVE FOX'S LEFT-HANDED SPAGHETTI SAUCE RECIPE: 1. Hold jar firmly in right hand. 2. Grasp lid with left hand. 3. Twist. 4. Pour sauce into microwave dish. 5. Heat.
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SCULLY
Crafts:
Make
your own "Never Again" tattoo
I've only been here a year now, but I've
begun noticing something. Despite the number of different opinions on what
The Blessed One did (or didn't?) do in the episode "Never Again," one thing
seems to transcend any mere
*Everyone* likes that tattoo! I've seen Sisters who already have the same design as She Who Makes Pain-Induced Hyperventilation Seem Like So Much Fun, I've spoken to Sisters who *want* the image of the tail-swallowing snake (officially known as an "ouroborous") subcutaneously implanted on their lumbar regions. But not all of us can follow TBO's example, for various reasons. There is, first of all, the cost. A good tattooist can cost you $50 an hour or more. Then there's the pain. Not everyone will enjoy getting needled as much as St. Scully did. And finally, not all of our Abbey-dwellers are of tattooing age, so, what to do? Henna! Henna looks great and it's only
SEMI-permanent. And it's totally
How to make your own henna (the long and involved way) You will need:
Then leave the henna out overnight to ferment.
The excess water will
How to make your own henna (the short way) You can buy one of those pre-made "mehndi" kits with all the henna goo and oil all sorted out already, they're a bit pricier but if you're not able to find all the ingredients separately, one of these kits should do the trick. How to apply the design Next, put on the loose pants and roll them up to past whatever point it is that you're going to be applying the henna. I find that the inside of the calf and ankle works because you can easily see what you're doing, unlike your lower back. Of course, once you get the process nailed, you can teach someone else and THEY can do YOUR back. The foot is not a good place to do this particular pattern, unless you plan on sitting perfectly still for several hours--if you try to walk around, the henna will shift and the pattern gets all smudgy. Print out the simplified ouroborous pattern. If you're good at freehand, you can just draw it onto yourself, or you can cut out the pattern like a stencil and and stick it on yourself. To do the stencil, you want to cut out the lines of the pattern-- these need to be open in the stencil so the henna can fill them in. You will end up with little scraps of paper from between the lines; try to save these and put them in their proper places in the stencil. If you can trace the whole darn thing onto contact paper, it makes it that much easier to just stick the pattern down onto yourself. Then put the henna paste into the oral syringe and practice on a piece of paper until you are able to make a consistent line. After that, simply draw over the pattern on yourself with the henna. (Mop up any drips or goofs with a damp bit of toilet paper after the pattern has set a bit.) Wait. About 15 minutes. Or however long it takes for the henna to "set." It will become a bit darker green in hue and seem stiffer. At this point, carefully brush on just enough of the lemon/sugar mixture to dampen the henna. If it drips, wipe the drips, otherwise they'll give your tattoo a blurry edge. Then let the juice dry. When you can't see any more wet spots on the henna, carefully wrap the toilet paper around your leg. (Be careful not to dislodge the henna!) Then tape it down. After that, wrap the plastic wrap around the toilet paper and tape THAT down well. Then simply ignore it for about 8 hours. You can even sleep on it, if you have to, and it won't smudge. Later, or in the morning, whichever you choose, just unwrap your leg, carefully scrape off the dried henna with something thin and flat (a dull knife blade, a credit card, your fingernails, whatever) and rub the design with coconut, olive, or corn oil. Whatever you've got in the kitchen... and presto! Your very own ouroborous! |
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| The
OBSSEwood Minute
By Sister Autumn Gillian Anderson's summer project, "House of Mirth" has wrapped filming, and the buzz thus far is very good. Hopefully the Terence Davies directed adaptation of Edith Wharton's novel will find a distributor at next year's Cannes film festival, otherwise look for it on Showtime sometime next year. 1013 has to be steaming over a FOX Interoffice memo that leaked detailing the first seven episodes of season seven. Plot descriptions as well as production information were all part of this "not for discussion outside of FOX" memo. I won't divulge the spoilers that can be found easily on the X-Files web spoiler sites, but we do have an episode name/writer/director/air date update. 7X01 - "Hungry" w: Vince Gilligan d: Kim
Manners (12/5/99)
Season eight of the X-Files seems more and more unlikely due to that little 25 million dollar lawsuit that Duchovny filed against FOX. So those of you who are holding out hope, it's best to start emotionally preparing yourselves for the end. The X-Files Emmy hopes lay with Gillian Anderson now that the technical Emmys have been given out and the show landed only one of its seven nominations in those categories. They took home the award for the makeup in the "Two Fathers"/"One Son" episodes. I guess all that ripping off of faces was good for someone. Gillian's other new film (an animated release in which she provides voice work), Princess Mononoke, is doing the film festival route this month. The current schedule is (official release is set for October 29th): Sept. 9 -18, 1999 - Toronto Film Festival
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I believe in Mother Margaret, Most Holy,
Amen.
Ma Scully, where have you been all year?
Ma Scully, will you ever return to XF?
Ma Scully, are you listening? I said get
back to XF *NOW*;
Ma Scully, enough already with this extended
sabbatical -
She's the Holy Mother of our blessed Dana
Season one, poor Mags becomes a single
mother:
Season two: her daughter Dana disappears,
and
Now, another family tragedy for Mother:
Now guess what? Poor Dana gets a nasty
tumor
Phew, another tragic death is spared poor
Mother
Season five: "Hey Mom, guess what, I've
got a daughter!
Maggie's family is all dying, our poor
Mother,
All of us here at the Order of St. Scully
Join me in a prayer for our most Holy Mother,
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| The X-Files is owned by FOX. No copyright infringement is intended. The OBSSE and News for the OBSSEsed are intended for entertainment purposes only. In other words, it's a joke folks. Thanks to all who contributed this month. All articles and columns appearing in News for the OBSSEsed are copyrighted to the authors. |
